“You may be 38 years old, as I happen to be…” Martin Luther King Jr.

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Random story that you convinced me to share. I’m at work one day and an older French lady comes in to make a purchase. Later on I would learn she had Alzheimer’s. I remember being bored, watching her, lets call her Ruth, trying to conversate in French with me. That didn’t go too well.I smiled, plastic cracking, wondering when my shift was going to be over, and motioning vainly how to pay. I remember a younger looking woman with better English came up, guiding and her and smiling apologetically to me. I assumed she was her caregiver or relative. What really caught my attention was this particular scene.I remember watching her take out money for her purchase, set it on the counter and continued to look for money. The caregiver noticed and told her, “You already took out the money Ruth”. Ruth, puzzled, looked saw it and agreed in French. They paid and left, but I was still there. My mind rewinding that scene, my eyes for some reason pooling. While it was unrelated it brought me to a grinding halt. It forced me to reconsider my life. It made me question my life. If I were to die, what would my life matter? Who would remember? Has anything I have done been of any sustenance? Would my death be celebrated, my grave desecrated? What was I willing to stand for? What was worth it to me? Another human being? A company? A status attained through wealth? Recognition from my peers? All of that is fleeting. I became deathly afraid. A fear that clutches your heart, and doesn’t let you breath. This lady’s life was slowly disappearing in front of her. When she dies, would anyone care? Is it enough to get a nice job and attain a status of recognition from my peers? A person? I don’t have the answers to this. And I am afraid. I suppose out of life I wish to never be forgotten, to have made a difference regardless of whether I get a statue in city hall or not. I don’t want to be bunch of 1s and 0s. I suppose what it comes down to is, you are not more truly alive, then when you have something to die for. Nobody’s saying to throw your life away, but perhaps when you realize that an idea, can be bigger than life, life becomes more living up to that idea.

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